


Heavy

by Softlight



Category: RWBY
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blake is a good partner, Depression, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Yang is struggling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25111486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Softlight/pseuds/Softlight
Summary: Yang laid on her bed, her back to the mattress as the world swirled around her.  She couldn’t get up.  She couldn’t move.  She couldn’t breathe.  Yang was all too aware of the weight of the covers on top of her, so thick and heavy.  She couldn’t move them, not when she couldn’t even move herself.  The world felt so heavy around her.
Relationships: Blake Belladonna/Yang Xiao Long
Comments: 30
Kudos: 147





	Heavy

**Author's Note:**

> An anon on tumblr requested a fic based on the song "True Faith," and I listened to Lotte Kestner's version to write this. I more so tried to capture the vibe of the song than base anything on the lyrics. <3

Yang laid on her bed, her back to the mattress as the world swirled around her. She couldn’t get up. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t breathe. Yang was all too aware of the weight of the covers on top of her, so thick and heavy. She couldn’t move them, not when she couldn’t even move herself. The world felt so heavy around her.

“Yang?”

She tried to move in response to Blake’s voice, tried to force a smile on her face. “Hey,” she croaked. Everything was gray around her, and she kept staring at the ceiling as Blake drew closer. “You’re not supposed to be home until Saturday.”

“It is Saturday, Yang.” The bed dipped as Blake sat on the edge. “Are you alright?” she asked softly. 

Yang didn’t meet her gaze. “Just tired,” she lied. “And I have a killer headache.” Her usual lies to get her off her back. 

“You don’t seem like yourself,” Blake said quietly. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m fine,” she clipped. “I’m fine.” She tried to force meaning into the words, but they came out flat, even to her own ears. She closed her eyes and turned away from Blake. “I’m just tired, that’s all.”

Blake sighed. The bed rose once more as Blake stood up, and Yang didn’t dare to hope and fear that Blake was leaving. She wanted her gone, she wanted her to stay, she needed someone there and needed to be alone. Her throat thickened, and she clenched her eyes shut to block out the world. 

But the bed dipped once more, and then Blake was pulling back the covers. “What’re you doing?” Yang asked, turning to face her.

“I’m coming in,” Blake said, diving under the covers. She pulled them up once more and turned on her side to face Yang. Her face was painfully soft and open. “If you don’t want to talk, that’s okay, Yang. But I don’t want to leave you alone right now.”

Yang swallowed hard. “I’m fine,” she said, but her voice cracked.

Blake just nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked slowly. “Because I’m here, Yang. I’m here for you.” Her voice was soft and smooth and warm without being pitying. Just pure understanding and selfless desire to help. 

“I just don’t feel like me right now,” Yang confessed, the words forcing their way out of her chest. She bit her lip and barely held back the rest of the words that threatened to break out of her throat. “I don’t feel like me.”

Blake’s eyes were glowing in the afternoon sun, even though she had closed the blinds. “Why don’t you feel like yourself right now?” she asked.

“I don’t know!” The words came out sharp, sharper than she intended. She flinched, but Blake didn’t even wince. She just kept looking at her, her face soft and open. Yang wet her mouth. “I don’t know,” she said, quieter this time. “I just don’t feel like me, and the world is so heavy.” She closed her eyes. “The world is so heavy.”

Blake rested a hand on Yang’s face, and Yang didn’t have the energy to move away from her touch. “What do you need right now?” Blake asked quietly. 

“I don’t know,” she whispered. Her still shut eyes heated up, and tears threatened to overwhelm her. She curled into a ball. “I don’t know what I need.”

“That’s okay,” Blake said, gently stroking her cheek. “That’s okay, Yang.”

“But it’s not!” Her eyes snapped open, and her voice broke. “It’s not okay. I’m not me right now, and I don’t know what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling like this and the world is just so heavy, Blake, it’s so heavy. I’m not even here right now, and I just don’t care.”

“But you are here,” Blake said. “You are here.”

“I don’t feel here,” she said. “I don’t feel present. I feel stuck, and I can’t move. Everything is gray, and I just- I can’t find anything to make me feel like me.”

Blake went silent then, but she was still brushing her fingers against Yang’s cheek. “You are Yang Xiao Long,” she said finally. “You are the strongest person I know. You are smart, and beautiful, and strong, and you are always you. Even when you feel like this. Even when you can’t see it, you are you, Yang.” Blake kissed her forehead, a chaste and reassuring gesture. “I’m here for you, baby.”

“I know,” she croaked. She hesitantly opened her eyes. “Something’s got its hold on me. And I can’t shake it.” She swallowed hard. “I can’t shake it.”

“We’ll shake it together,” Blake said. “You’ll come back to yourself, Yang. I promise. This isn’t forever.” 

Yang nodded. “But it’s for now.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” Blake gave her a tentative smile. “Let’s get some food in you, okay? You’ve been in bed all day. And then we can go sit in the garden, or watch a movie, or whatever you’re up for. But no more laying in bed. I know it’s hard, Yang, but we have to get you out of bed.” Her voice took a turn towards pleading that made Yang’s heart ache.

“Alright,” she said softly. She pushed up against the mattress and forced herself to sit up. Yang took a deep breath. Blake helped her, hands holding her. Her head felt packed with cotton and dull. Everything felt dull, and it was like she was trying to break out of her own brain. Yang rubbed her face. 

“When was the last time you showered?” Blake asked softly.

Yang blinked, trying to remember. “I don’t know,” she admitted after a moment, breath catching. Fuck, she was so pathetic. 

But Blake just rubbed her back and shoulders. “Do you want me to draw a bath?” she asked. Before Yang could answer, she added, “I’ll help you, Yang.”

“I don’t need help,” she said, but she did. She buried her face in her hands at the realization. “Fuck.” Tears threatened, and she closed her eyes once more.

Blake stood up and pulled on Yang’s hands to get her to stand. Yang stood for the first time in days, and her stomach grumbled. Fuck, when had she eaten last? She blearily blinked as Blake carefully led her to the bathroom. Blake started the bath, checking the water, before she helped Yang take off her clothes and sit down in the large tub.

Yang sat, knees curled to her chest, as the tub filled with warm water. “I’ll be right back,” Blake promised. She turned and left, leaving Yang in the tub. Yang closed her eyes once more, trying to revel in the warmth of the water. It felt good. It felt good, and she could already feel the grime starting to lift off of her skin. It was good. This was good.

Blake was back with a cup of water in hand. She pressed the glass to Yang’s hand, and Yang took a sip. She had drank water over the past few days, but that had been about it. Still, the cold water felt good running down her throat. She handed the glass back to Blake, who put it on the counter and turned off the water. 

“I’m going to wash you now, okay?” Blake said softly.

Yang nodded. She kept her eyes closed as Blake started pouring water over her back, her shoulders, her head. She kept herself loose and malleable so that Blake could manipulate her body easier. Yang relaxed as the scent of their lilac and lemon soap filled the air and covered her body with soapy slick, Blake running the bar up and down and around her arm and torso. She stayed still as Blake pulled her hair over her shoulder and started rubbing her back with the bar.

“Can you raise your arms for me?” Blake asked. Yang obliged, and Blake cleaned her underarms. “Thank you.” 

Yang’s throat thickened. “Thank _you_ ,” she rasped. 

Blake just hummed. “You’re welcome,” Blake said, pouring more water over her body. “I just want you to feel good. Feel like you.” Yang slowly opened her eyes and stared at her knees. “We’ll wash you up, and then we’ll go sit outside. How does that sound?”

“Good.” She tilted her head back as Blake started massaging her scalp with shampoo. Her fingers were strong but careful, and even though her head still felt packed with cotton, it was soothing. Blake gave the best scalp massages, although she claimed that it was just an excuse to play with Yang’s hair. “You’re too good to me.”

“No, I’m not,” Blake said patiently. “You deserve good things. I just do my best to give you some goodness.”

“Well, you succeed.” Her eyes closed again as Blake poured more water over her head, washing the shampoo out of her hair. Blake then started working the conditioner through her hair, twisting the conditioner into the long strands. “I love you, Blake.” 

Even when she was like this, even when she wasn’t herself, even when the world was gray, she loved her. It was as easy as breathing to love her, and it was just as hard to stop breathing as it was to stop loving her. No matter what, she loved her. Her world was gray, but Blake was like the morning sun to part the clouds. Blake helped lessen the brain fog, and she took care of her, even when Yang didn’t need or deserve it.

“I love you too, baby,” Blake said. “Close your eyes again, we’re gonna rinse you off and then we’ll get you into some sweats. Sound good?” 

Yang nodded, and she let Blake rinse her off. She stood up, and Blake was there to towel her off. She didn’t walk one step without Blake beside her. She stood in the middle of their bedroom, hair dripping water onto the floor, as Blake dug in their drawers for some clothes. 

“Fuck bras,” Blake said, and a smile twitched on Yang’s lips. 

“Fuck bras,” she agreed. She accepted the underwear Blake handed her and stepped into them before pulling on her tank top and sweatshirt. 

“Sit down on the bed,” Blake instructed. Yang sat, and Blake got behind her with a brush. Yang winced as Blake brushed through the knots. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “I’d rather do it now than later.”

Blake continued, and she carefully worked the tangles out of her hair until it smooth. Yang stared into her lap, slowly coming back to herself. Her stomach rumbled again. “Can we watch a movie?” she asked as Blake finished. “Pop some popcorn?”

“We can do that,” Blake said. “In the living room.”

Yang nodded and stood up, stretching her shoulders. She wasn’t wearing her arm, and she wouldn’t bother putting it on. She padded out to the living room, but Blake ducked into the bathroom to grab the glass from earlier as she settled on the couch. She grabbed a blanket for the both of them and started flipping through movies to order.

“I’m popping popcorn and getting some tangerines,” Blake called from the kitchen.

“Okay.” She settled on an old favorite of theirs, _Legally Blonde_. The perfect movie for when she got like this. Yang curled deeper into the blanket, being sure to leave some for Blake when she got out of the kitchen. 

Blake came in with a tray of water, juice, popcorn, and tangerines. Yang rolled her eyes at her over-preparedness, but her heart panged at the care Blake had for her. She had even peeled the tangerines for them, knowing that, even if Yang had her arm on, she wouldn’t have the energy to do so. She swallowed thickly. “Thank you,” she said, taking a sip of her water.

“Of course,” Blake responded as she settled down on the couch beside her. “ _Legally Blonde_ it is.” Blake grabbed the remote from Yang’s hands and hit PLAY. Yang laid her head on Blake’s shoulder, and Blake wrapped an arm around her. “You’ll be okay, baby. We’ll get through this.”

Yang snuggled deeper into Blake’s body as the opening of the movie started. “I know,” she said softly. “Thank you. For being here.”

“Of course, Yang.” Blake kissed her forehead. “I’m always here for you.”

“I know. Still.” Her tongue felt awkward, but she still managed to say, “Thank you.”

“I love you, Yang. Even when you’re struggling.” Blake squeezed her gently. “I love all of you, baby. Even when you don’t feel like you.” Blake laid her head on top of Yang’s. “Because you’re always you, and I will always love you.”

Yang dove deeper into Blake’s embrace, her breath still and steady. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry I’m like this.” Her voice cracked. 

“It’s not your fault,” Blake said. “It’s something you struggle with, struggle through. And I’m sorry I can’t help you more, but I’m here, Yang. You can lean on me.” Her voice was a soothing balm to the grayness of the world, and Yang loosed a breath. “Don’t be sorry, Yang. Be proud of yourself for being strong.”

“I don’t feel strong.”

“You are. I promise you, you are.”

Her throat thickened. She opted to remain silent and just press closer into Blake. “I love you,” she said. The words weren’t enough, they would never be enough. But they were the closest words to encapsulating what she felt for Blake, how grateful she was, how much she loved her. “I love you so much.”

“I know,” Blake said. “I love you too.” Blake started gently massaging her shoulder. “You can do this, Yang.”

“Not without you.”

“Even without me,” Blake said.

“I couldn’t get out of bed for three days. You’re the one that’s taken care of me, I can’t- fuck, Blake, I couldn’t even bathe myself.” Her chest shuddered, and she closed her eyes. “I don’t feel strong.”

“You’re doing your best, Yang.” Blake let out a breath. “You’re strong, and you’ve done so much by yourself, but this battle is too much, and that’s not a weakness.” A pause. “I think we should visit that psychiatrist Qrow recommended.”

Her chest tightened, but Blake continued. “Not because you’re weak, baby. Because you’re not. You’re strong as all hell, and you just need a little help. Because I don’t want this for you. I don’t want you to feel like this and deal with it by yourself.”

“You think it’ll help?” she asked quietly.

“I think it’s worth a try,” Blake said carefully. 

Yang sighed, but she nodded. “Okay. Okay.” She took a deep breath. “Let’s do it.”

“I’ll call tomorrow. Today, let’s just focus on the present. Okay?”

“Okay,” she said. She sighed at the screen. “Warner is such a shithead.”

Blake let out a small laugh. “He is.” Blake gently jostled her. “But you’re the Elle to my Emmett, you know that?”

“Is that because I’m blonde?”

“Partially.” She could hear the smile in Blake’s voice. “But also because you’re both smart and resilient and determined.” 

Yang smiled. It was small, but it was real.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to send me prompts on tumblr at softlighter! <3


End file.
